Ten years of writing a little bit every day means that I have a fairly accurate picture of the realities of my life. I try my best to be honest, not to mince words, not to self-edit for the benefit of future generations. My Gradual Journals are for me more than anyone else.
Just like an every day journaling practice helps me to remember the good times, it also helps me to remember hard times.
Here are just a few of the difficult things I’ve captured over the past decade:
Seasons of depression, discouragement, and debilitating anxiety.
A family member desperately ill with Covid-19, then her death several months later.
Trips to the emergency room with my daughter in the middle of the night when a croupy cough made it difficult for her to catch her breath; repeated at least once every winter.
My bout with mono several years ago. Mono as a teen is a challenge, but let me tell you, the Epstein-Barr virus is no picnic as an adult. Crippling exhaustion plagued me for weeks.
Moving to a new city, a thousand miles outside my comfort zone, during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic.
My father-in-law’s fall during an icy winter walk, and subsequent emergency surgery to repair his destroyed rotator cuff.
Two kids stuck at home doing distance learning for eleven harrowing months.
Stomach bugs that rampaged their way through the whole family. So much barfing.
Potty training. Hands down, the most difficult part of parenting for me, at least so far, although my oldest is a pre-teen now which appears to be a whole different beast!
Minor annoyances, like teaching a class at church on the fly with zero preparation when a co-teacher didn’t show up.
The aches and pains of pregnancy, then the sleep deprivation of the newborn phase.
And that’s just what I came up with off the top of my head! I’m sure if I went back and read every entry from the past 10 years, I’d have a much more comprehensive list.
So why does it matter to remember the hard things in my life? Wouldn’t it be nicer, and a little more cheerful, to only remember the happy things? Perhaps. But if I only wrote down the parts of my life that are easy, or comfortable, or pleasant, I’d miss out on these lessons:
Reading about hard times in my journal gives me greater empathy for the challenges others are facing. When a friend with a newborn moans to me about how tired they are, I can say “I remember that! Having a brand new baby was really hard for me, too.”
Reading about hard times reminds me that “this too shall pass”. When I battled chronic fatigue after coming down with mono, I sometimes felt like the exhaustion would never fade. Now, years later, I read those entries and see that even though my life felt desperately hard then, it eventually got easier.
Reading about hard times gives me perspective. I’ve made it through challenging times before, and I can do it again. Part of life is muddling along, doing your best, and somehow making it through the hard. My previous journal entries help me to recognize that I’m more capable than I give myself credit for.
Ultimately, reading about hard times helps me see that life is messy and imperfect. That’s a big part of what makes it worth living! Life is made up of moments, big and small, happy and sad, irritating and delightful. A Gradual Journal captures them all.
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